Jon Heinz – the only one among us who’s in a coed band – has agreed to add a second Natalie Merchant cover to his setlist. “These Are The Days” – guaranteed to bring goosebumps (or goose flesh if you’re so bold) to Twin Cities bar flies these next three weeks. “Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this.”
The High Holidays. These indeed are the days. And they belong to you. How will yours be remembered? Strategize. Think selfishly. And do not fu*k this up. Sing like no one’s listening. Dance like you’re wasted. Love like you’re paying by the hour.
The K-Tin corridor’s been buzzing since we last talked. The sting of a sexual (pronounced SAYk-sual) harassment (pronounced harris-ment) lawsuit, a 40th birthday blowout, college recruiting visits for his football kicker eldest child. All that and self-ascribed perfect pitch. Lot of momentum for our league’s KC connection, Brad “The Rice Man” Likens. Though, as Heinz would say, his rafters are as barren as Condoleezza Rice’s uterus. Still yet, might we be on the cusp of his one shining moment?
Real shine, the kind that glistens, comes only from a well-polished hue of Brown. As hot as a pawn shop pistol, The Brown Mound of Rebound now sets out not only to defend his title but to attempt to earn high scorning marks for a third straight year. You’ll recall that in addition to his 2016 crown, Wichita Brown tied for best overall score with Matt Cullen in 2015. Cullen won the tie breaker and the title, but still… Brown’s found himself an algorithm.
Myself and Hot Ron Dardis have not. We remain tethered to the whipping post, the only charter members still without a single damn championship. Others suffering not as long but with no less pain include our National Lampoon’s tandem, Clark and Rusty.
These are the men who look down at us:
2003 Jon Heinz
2004 Matt Cullen
2005 Matt Cullen
2006 Dan McClure
2007 Dan McClure
2008 Kevin C. Wilson
2009 Trevor Schmidt
2010 Dan McClure
2011 Brennan Hitpas
2012 Kevin C. Wilson
2013 Kevin C. Wilson
2014 Brennan Hitpas
2015 Matt Cullen
2016 Joe Fernandez
2017 ?
Games can be watched together, as a family, right here in the living room. The computers over at CBS will handle the scoring. Submit your picks here: kiitf.mayhem.cbssports.com. Password is and shall forever be: 1609.
Entry is still $30 per. Scoring stays the same. Picks gotta be in before Thursday’s first tip or the computers shut you down. Likens: I’m looking at you.
Warmly,
Commissioner Sheforgen
