Apologies for the delay here. No disrespect meant to our champion Dan “Dan-O” McClure and his looking back at competitors bested.
Been in and out of cabs and conference rooms all day, guys. Bought a new golden retriever. Plus, you know, COVID.
But the real reason for the results delay was pending litigation regarding an ill-timed garnishment. What I’d hoped would be a joyous announcement of our generous contribution to the necessary means for necessary means for the lesser privileged is instead a warsh.
The mistake of making our $13 check out to the lone beneficiary by name, Jon Heinz, rather than to the organization at large, the Old Shakopee AOR Foundation, proved costly.
And the fight remains a lonely one, I’m sure.
Dan did it how Dan’s always done it. Real steady-like and then with a correct pick of the champ. He did it with Duke in 2010. And again with the ol’ Florida fuck you in 2006 and 2007. From ‘06 to ‘10, there wasn’t a load hotter than Dangerous Dan McClure’s.
Except for Coach’s.
It took Dan eight years to earn his first three titles but another 11 to notch number four. He joins Kevin Wilson as the only other quaderurangular. The win takes Dan over $1K ($1,038) in career earnings.
The Man in the Black Pajamas. The St. Louis Slammer. The Chattanooga Chugger. Steely Dan. He’s answered to them all.
Just don’t call him Also Ran. That’s a name best reserved for yours truly and Robot Ron, the charlatan of our sister organization the Player Draft. We remain the only two charter members still in search of a title.
Dan was the only one to pick the champ, Baylor. And that’s what did it. It all came down to the final night. Trevor had a one point lead and Gonzaga to win it all. Dan hadn’t been in first since he was tied at 25 after round one. Still, he lurked within striking distance throughout. And then he was the only one to pick the second overall seed to win it.
Only Trevor picked three of the Final Four correctly. He comes up just five points shy of his third title (‘09, ‘17).
Not since that Roman asshole forgot to close the Kerkoporta Gate at Constantinople has there been a greater oversight than not including Sam Osborne in our annual family gathering.
Sammy’s long loved the saps.
He was the neighborhood bookmaker when so many of us first fell victim to the hopes and charms of sweet, hot action.
He was the neighborhood barkeep when Heinz took his first sips of Long Island Iced Tea, the same halcyon afternoons blamed by many for his early-onset condition. And Sam’s now elbow-deep in hand-mixed batches of ancient herbal remedies sold to housewives.
He should do well here if he can just learn to pick his way out of a paper bag. He finished 11th.
A long overdue welcome to Sammy, a most worthy adversary.
Here’s what went down:
Dan: 78
Trevor: 73
Jon: 66
Marc: 65
Joe: 63
Kevin: 61
Clark: 61
Ryan: 60
Matt: 56
Brennan: 54
Sam: 52
Brad: 45
Rusty: 44
Bless you, Jon. Congratulations, Dan. And a warm goodnight to you all.
Humbly yours,
Commissioner Sheforgen
