2013 Invite/Address
Marc Sheforgen
By the numbers:
We’ve dished $2,105 since 2003. With a winner-take-all format, half of us have only paid in. But after 10 years, there are others who’ve gotten a little something going to help along their drug, drinking and/or gambling habits. A look at our career money leaders:
As you see, some 55 percent of the proceeds have gone to just 17 percent of our current roster. This is approaching KU v. K-State-like disproportions. Somebody’s got to do something. It’s safe to assume that won’t be myself or Ryan Dardis who’ve invested a combined $440 without a cent returned. Oh, and Likens, who fears variety, and condiments.
I hereby propose the following amendment to the league’s constitution: League hosting duties will fall to the longest-standing member without a championship. I’ll continue to bear the cross until the good lord sees to it to ease my burdened mind. Should that day come, and should Dardis still be in search of his first title at that point, he’d then wear the yellow star of hosting for all to see. From there, it would fall to the next most senior member without a banner and so on for eternity. If anyone objects, please say so now.
We again get things going with Thursday’s games. We won’t count the play-in games. All of the scoring and rules remain the same, and we’ll stay with a $26 entry (one dollar going towards a PayPal fee) and $300 pay-out. A PayPal request will be coming. Any league news or updates will be shared via the KIITF website (kiitf.thecullens.com). Would be nice to get some banter brewing there as well.
Access the league here.
Our league password is: 1609
And now, a look at those who’ve sniffed the crotch of glory:
2003 Jon Heinz
2004 Matt Cullen
2005 Matt Cullen
2006 Dan McClure
2007 Dan McClure
2008 Kevin C. Wilson
2009 Trevor Schmidt
2010 Dan McClure
2011 Brennan Hitpas
2012 Kevin C. Wilson
2013 ?
2012 Invitation/Address from founder Marc Sheforgen:
Good afternoon. We begin this year’s meeting with some rather delicate and regrettable business. It is with great disappointment that I announce the need to terminate the league treasurership of Jon Heinz. In light of recent scandalous findings involving the embezzlement of league funds, this move, while unfortunate, became unavoidable. To Jon’s credit, he got out in front of this story once the scandal was revealed. He never denied his culpability and he did redact his criminality by paying the full amount owed within the 24 hours he was allowed. Jon even went so far as to offer to resign his treasurer’s post. That resignation was of course rejected in favor of a more shameful public firing. I do wish to thank Jon for his eight years of service and one year of disservice. We wish him the best as he strives to restore honor to a once semi-proud name, and we continue to look forward to competing against him as he remains a charter member of our league.
Jon: please have your personal effects out of the league office by tip-off of Thursday morning’s games.
Turning the tables from rock-bottom to sky-high, I bring to you the resolution of the greatest oversight since Leonardo da Vinci forgot to paint eyebrows on the Mona Lisa. There haven’t been many more obvious candidates for Keep It In The Family inclusion than the one they call Brown Joe. As cool as the other side of the pillow, the Filipino Jalapeno is at ease seemingly without exception. Just 10 days ago, he stuck a 4-iron within 10 feet of the pin at the 183-yard Par 3 15th of Alvusta National and showed not a tinge of emotion. Thing is, he ballooned it. We can only speculate on the possibilities had he smoked it. All the same, that’s how Brown hits a golf shot. That’s what it looks like, so… Brown can talk ball, historic and current. He’s well-versed in the hand-blown arts. And he can freelance on a griddle. A real renaissance man. And he’s calmer than you are. And he has $26, so let’s bring him aboard.
Again this year, our contest begins with Thursday’s action. No points are awarded for the play-in games. Our format and scoring remain the same. Picks and money are due before the first games of Thursday, March 15, 2012. Nothing fu*king changes. Assuming no eligible entrants blow it, we’ll this year be gunning for a winner-take-all purse of $300. Payment requests will be forthcoming.
And now…we honor our champions with a look to the rafters and the banners that so emotively represent their sacrifices:
2012 ?
Access KIITF Bracket Challenge.
http://kiitf.mayhem.cbssports.com/e
Password: 1609
2011 Invitation/Address from founder Marc Sheforgen:
We’re not as a group known for our sense of urgency.
Initiative has never been our collective strong suit. By a
show of hands, how many graduated college in four years?
Precisely. Likens, I don’t want to hear it. There are
several mitigating circumstances contributing to your
ineligibility, failure to inhale being only the most
obvious.
And so it shall come as no surprise that we roundly reject
the NCAA’s unconscionable decision to expand our Advent
calendar to 68. We won’t stand for it, mostly on the grounds
that doing so would require us to submit picks a full two
days earlier. Make no mistake: We’ll be watching, and Cullen
will be gambling. But we shall stand united in our rejection
of this attempt to poison what by definition is pure.
The format and scoring will remain as it’s been through our
eight years of beautiful tradition. Picks and money will be
due before the first games of Thursday, March 17, 2011. The
play-in games will only matter in that their winners will
determine one side of the match-ups for four of the first
round games you’ll need to pick. And by the way, the games
played Thursday and Friday shall be referred to as “first
round” regardless of whatever Greg Gumbel’s lips might be
spewing as you stare at his hairpiece. You’ll know the last
of those first round match-ups by Wednesday night when the
final play-in game concludes on truTV, which means you’ll
likely have 12 hours or so from then until your brackets are
due. Do not drop the rock. Money can be paid as soon as
Heinz sends out the payment instructions. The entry fee
remains $26 – $25 towards our winner-take-all prize and $1
for PayPal fees. Let’s get the loot in before Thursday’s
tip-off. We’ll again vie for $275, assuming all entries are
on time.
And now, as is our annual custom, we’ll turn to the rafters
to pay heed to those who’ve fondled the breasts of victory:
2003 Jon Heinz
2004 Matthew Cullen
2005 Matthew Cullen
2006 Daniel McClure
2007 Daniel McClure
2008 Kevin C. Wilson
2009 Trevor Schmidt
2010 Daniel McClure
2011 ?
2010 Address
2009 Address
2008 Address
2007 Address
2006 Address
